How to Heal an Unhealthy Marriage?

divorce papers

There is a certain sparkle in the eye and a beautiful glow that only newlywed couples share. Floating on promises of a happy life and lasting love, they believe that honeymoon will last forever and that happily ever after is their story ending. Little do they know.

In years that come, a great number of couples will find themselves stuck in a matrimony union that is less holy and more unwholesome. Relationships are hard, and it takes a lot of effort to make things work. At times, it may seem impossible, as if the only right thing to do is to leave. Still, if there is a will, motivation, and love, know that there are ways to heal your marriage and turn it into a happy ending.

Think this trough

Before you start the big talk with your partner, take time to think and to determine what is it that you want. Since this relationship is not working well for you, try to pinpoint the problem. Identifying the problem will lead you to the solution. Only after you have a clear picture of what will it take to make this marriage works, you will be ready to talk this through with your partner without risk of starting another unnecessary discussion.


Learn to communicate

Bad communication is one of the biggest problems in relationships, so make sure to learn how to connect and how to address issues with your partner. But first of all, learn how to listen. Start the conversation in a warm and loving tone and maintain a friendly atmosphere. Be patient, sincere and try to avoid accusation. Use‘’I’’ instead of ‘’You’’. For instance, ‘’I feel neglected’’ sounds more effective than ‘’you neglect me’’. If you don’t like what you hear, take a moment before you respond. Stay calm. And never start an argument before going to bed.

Make new rules together

If marriage is in crisis, it is because of how you both act. Be ready to change things and make an agreement that will work for both of you. Think of it as a new beginning.  A new marriage, based on new ground rules with the same person. Change your ways and be patient with your spouse, since nothing changes overnight. It took you both a while to get to this point, so be aware of the fact that healing is a long process.

It is not selfish to put yourself first

Although marriage requires effort, even sacrifice at times, know that you should not be a victim. Regardless of love, children or other factors involved, abusive relationships sometimes are not worth the trouble, so take care of yourself and be ready to step back. No one should feel unsafe, afraid or in danger in a relationship. Know how to protect yourself and stop thinking that by being hurt you will please others. 


Seek for an advice

It is always good to ask for comfort and support of your loved ones, but be careful with other peoples’ experiences. Things that worked for them may not work that well for you. When dealing with a delicate nature of relationships, it is best to turn to professionals whose expertise in the field and long experience in working with couples can bring your marriage on the right tracks. Also, look back on your parent's marriage and see if you have adopted a negative pattern that you subconsciously apply in your relationships. Be ready to learn from other people’s mistakes.

Know when it is time to give up

Staying in an unhealthy marriage, especially if there are kids involved can do more harm than a separation. However, being a legal union, divorce brings many complications regarding parental responsibilities and financial settlements. To make sure to reduce stress and conflicts throughout this process, many people opt for professional couple mediation services.  Sometimes two people can never go back to where they were, nor they can make it better. And sometimes, it is for the best.


Every successful marriage is proof that when there is love, and there’s a will, there is a way. Even if the situation seems hopeless if you can look back and remember good times that you’ve had together, know that there is hope. Sharing a life with someone is never easy, but as long as there are love and mutual respect, it is worth the struggle. 

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