How To Be Married Yet Happy

Marriages made in heaven
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They say marriages are made in heaven. However, marriages also need to work on earth. No marriage is a bed of roses. Each partner has his/her share of idiosyncrasies. The very traits that were considered absolutely adorable before marriage may seem quite detestable after marriage.

 

Let us examine an example from the movies to illustrate whem a characterestic considered lovable before mariage may seem abominable after marriage. I still remember the marital troubles the characters in the movie Mrs. Doubtfire were going through. The lady used to admire her would be husband due to his spontaneity. However, after marriage what was earlier perceived to be spontaneity was interpreted as a lack of discipline and commitment. In a scene where his son has a birthday party, the father arranges for animals to be brought to their house to entertain his son. He does not even contemplate what his wife may feel about the house being turned upside down by the presence of these animals. She is a stickler for cleanliness and cannot bear to witness disorder in her household. Before marriage, during their courtship, the lady would have found this trait adorable. Now she found it intolerable. How would one guard oneself from these pitfalls during marriage?

 

A possible remedy to avoid problems in married life is to be as real as possible in front of the would-be spouse during courtship so that he/she does not develop unrealistic expectations from marriage. This is far easier said than done as during courtship both partners tend to exaggerate what they perceive to be their strengths and downplay their weaknesses. However, this can lead to potential pitfalls later as this can lead to unrealistic expectations.

 

The expectation of each spouse from a marriage may be quite different. A man may find it far more amusing to spend time with his male friends enjoying the odd drink while the woman may enjoy spending time with her husband discussing relationships and gossiping. The mutual lack of interest has the potential to give rise to irretrievable differences between spouses. What could be a possible solution to this?

 

One possible solution to this problem could be the man curtailing the time he spent with his male friends and devoting more time to his wife. Sometimes what is required is not even to speak but to lend a sympathetic ear to someone to vent out his/her frustrations or anxieties. No solution is expected but simply being able to communicate with someone can provide huge relief to a person. The woman may also be required to allow her husband to spend some time with his male friends just to indulge his passion for sports and the odd drink. Sometimes just doing the man thing can provide huge relief to men from the pulls and pressures of modern day living. The same is applicable to women who find it a bit of a stress buster to spend time with her lady friends. Sharing problems with friends is a tried and tested method to de-stress oneself. However, does this method always work?

 

Of course they methods do not always work. There will be cases where the marriage has ceased to hold meaning for either one or possibly both parties. In that case, after trying to apply the above remedy if it still does not work out a parting of ways may provide happiness to both parties. A good divorce is often better than a bad marriage. However, one is always advised to keep working on a marriage. Just like one’s professional skills one also needs to work on one’s martial skills. This can involve being a better listener, planning surprises for one’s partner to break the monotony and also spending as much time as possible with one another to avoid misunderstandings and prevent both from drifting apart. Developing a common hobby can be a very good way to spend time with one another. If one follows these steps then it is difficult but not impossible to be married yet happy.

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