Mature Dating and Safety

Progress has evolved in such fast pace that it feels we are now living in a completely different society from what it was 30 years ago. One of the many aspects of life that has been affected by that is dating, with online dating establishing itself as the new way for the younger generations to find love. People still go out and meet new people in the flesh, but a lot more of it takes place via dating sites, social media and other chat rooms. This is good for people who are familiar with computers and smartphones, but what about people from the older generation? After all, not everyone in their later years is familiar with those technologies, so here are a few tips for mature daters looking to get back into the dating scene.

Tip#1 – Make use of your local library.

Having the internet these days is as important as having a phone 40 years ago, it has now become part of the fabric of modern society. Having access to the internet will require a computer or a smartphone, along with a contract with an internet provider. That sounds like a lot to do already, and it can be quite costly. Maybe you don’t need to buy all your own equipment and deal with internet bills just yet. Your best bet would be instead to use your local library, or even a community café where computers are available. You can just call your local library and book one of their computers ahead of time to make sure it will be available for you when you go there.

Tip#2 – Ask a younger family member or a friend to show you.

Another option is for you to go visit a family member and use their computer. The advantage of that is that you can ask them questions and get them to show you how it works. Sure it can feel embarrassing to ask younger people to teach us new tricks, but there is no stopping point for us to learn. To be honest, the internet is quite complicated at first because there is a lot to learn, so having someone showing you is really the only option. But don’t worry, that learning curve is exponential: the more you learn, the easier it gets; and it doesn’t really take that much time. You just have to arm yourself with some patience, just like anyone looking at delving into new technologies. You will get to learn about the internet lingo which has many terms that will sound strange at first; but you will get familiar with those over time.

Tip#3 – Think about what you want before going online.

You need to have a good idea about what sort of person you want to date, as it will help to guide you to the right dating site. The truth is that there are so many different dating websites that it can easily become confusing, so limiting your search to mature dating should narrow things down and therefore make it easier. For example if you are in your later years and looking for a partner or companion your age, then try mature dating sites such as singleandmature.com.  The advantage of doing this is that your will get to be in touch with like-minded people who might just understand you better and be closer to your own heart. Of course you can also use more popular dating sites like Eharmony.com but be aware that a lot of younger people also frequent that site. Why is that a bad thing? It’s just that younger people can be quite ruse and pushy, which might lead to some bad times and rejection; which is not what you want when you are trying to stay positive about dating.

Tip#4 – Don’t make yourself a target for ill-intentioned people.

The landscape and methods might change, but the fundamentals still remain the same. In the past, coming across as lonely and desperate would often open the floodgates to people taking advantage of you. Unfortunately the internet hasn’t changed that aspect of people, and there are still seedy individuals who try to exploit others for financial and other negative purposes. So how can you not act lonely when you are alone? It’s simple in a way: you just need to establish some boundaries and principles. Just like dating in the past, you are in control of the situation. You can decide who to talk to and who to reject. You have your standards and you should always stick to those, don’t make exceptions to your principles because you are dating. Yes, compromising is a part of dating, but it only comes once you actually are dating that person, not before.

Tip#5 – Avoid scammers by using your logic.

Dating is an emotional roller-coaster, and this is why some people often put their guards down, whilst others go into a state of hypervigilance. On one end you can become so infatuated with a person you’ve been messaging because everything they say is just so smooth and perfect; one the other you can shut off and not take in anything they say. Either of those two states are extremes, and your best bet is to find a middle-ground. Remember that words are just that: words. As long as you haven’t met that person in the flesh, don’t make any final judgements until you actually meet them. The bottom line is: dating will make you feel emotional, you just need to stay alert and again, stick to your guns and your principles.

Tip#6 – Look for inconsistencies.

This is something most people don’t want to do, especially when they start falling in love with someone. Scrutinizing someone and everything they say might make you feel bad, but it can become the most powerful way to distinguish truth from lies. If someone has been chatting with you online for a while, look back at the messages and see if they contradict themselves. Look at what people say in their dating profile and see if their messages to you are inconsistent with the way they present themselves. It’s similar to the purposes of presenting a CV and motivation letter for a job application; where employers compare your attitude during the interview and compare it to how you presented yourself on your documents.

Tip#6 – Use Google as an investigative tool.

Okay you might not be familiar with how the Google search engine works. Just consider it like a big phonebook but with way more information. Do you know that you can search for images to see if there are similar ones online? This is relevant to dating in the following way: scammers will often use a fake photo for their dating profiles. Most of the times, they will use a photo they find online of a good looking model-like person. When you are using your web browser, you can do what is called a reverse image search to see if that images has been used somewhere else on the web. So for example let’s say you’ve found a guy called Tony on your dating site of choice, but when you reverse search for his image, you find it on different websites, or even on a Facebook profile with a completely different name. This only means one thing: they lied about either their looks / their name; either way it shows a form of deception, so you know not to trust them and move on to someone more honest.

Tip#7 – Be honest, but conservative.

As much as it is bad for others to lie, the rule also applies to you. But there is a difference between lying and putting all your cards on the table for others to see. So be truthful about who you are and what your intentions are, but don’t expose your privacy and vulnerabilities to others. Most dating sites allow you to use a pseudonym, so don’t feel guilty for doing so, everybody else is. Don’t let your fear of staying polite expose you to any dangers. It’s better to be firm than to give in to other people pressuring you. Don’t give out your family name, your phone number, your address… basically anything that can help people identify and trace back to you. You can be straightforward and honest, but stay conservative and mindful of lesser-intentioned people; just like traditional dating.

All those tips might make online dating sound like a mind field, and that’s because it is. But don’t let all of this put you off, after all it’s really not that different from how things where in the past. It’s just that the methods have changed, and once you adapt to those new ways you will find that it won’t take long for you to build a sense of familiarity and comfort with the modern dating landscape.