10 Things To Help You Better Communicate With Your Ex-partner, Once You’ve Separated

better communicate partner separation divorce

When your relationship with your partner has come to a bitter end and you’ve decided to separate, maintaining a sense of communication can often prove problematic and in some cases, lead to a total loss of contact altogether or intensify to the point of physical violence.

If you and your former lover have children, it’s always preferable for their sake to ensure that you maintain at least some semblance of communication and rapport with each other. Being able to communicate effectively will also help to reduce your legal fees, once you have engaged the services of a family lawyer.

Below is a list of 10 important things to remember, to help you improve the quality of the communication with your ex, upon separation:

1) You’re doing this for your children

Developing and maintaining a more a positive post-breakup relationship with your former partner will greatly benefit the lives of your children. Creating a sense of understanding will not only help them deal with the separation but also give them more confidence and belief in the people around them.

2) Choose a suitable location and mode of communication

People are more likely to keep their emotions in check when they’re in a public area in view of others around them, so it may be in your best interests to meet in such an environment when agreeing to meet face to face. If your preferred form of communication is through emails and SMS, be mindful of the fact that you cannot hear the tone of each other’s voice or view each other’s body language when conversing.

These subtleties can sometimes lead to misinterpretations and obscure the true meaning of what is being said. You may wrongfully assume that they’re being sarcastic, rude, insensitive and so on, which will negatively affect the course of the discussion. Always be sure to proofread all your messages before sending them.

3) Deal with matters as soon as they arise

It’s much more beneficial to address problems immediately then it is to let them linger. If an issue does come up, look to have it resolved with your partner straight away.

4) Be forthright when receiving information

If you hear anything incriminating about the behaviour of your partner, either from your kids or from a third party, it’s important that you confront your partner and disclose what has been said and from which person(s). Doing so will allow your partner to explain themselves or discuss it with those who made the accusations.

5) Never abuse your ex-partner

Despite the animosity that you may still feel towards each other, it’s important that you treat each other with respect. Verballing abusing them will only make matters worse. It’s important that your children see you approach the situation in a mature fashion. How you deal with each other during these difficult times will impact them for years to come.

6) Be courteous and considerate

It’s important that you don’t treat the other person with contempt, either to their face or behind their back in the company of your children. Don’t convince your children that the other person is the enemy and the sole cause for all that has happened. See it as a time of change, rather than regret and remorse.

7) Don’t immediately jump to conclusions

If you happen to hear something defamatory or insulting that has been allegedly said against you by your partner, don’t automatically assume that it’s the truth. Give the person a chance to clarify and respond. There should only ever be one assumption and that is that both parents would never jeopardise the happiness of their loved ones.

8) Teach those who want what’s best for you

When going through a difficult time such as a separation or divorce, everyone around you naturally wants to make you feel better. Unfortunately, this can often mean having them tell you how wonderful and perfect you are and how fiendish and diabolical the other person is. If this happens, It’s wise to let those around you know that you don’t see the other person as a villain in all of this, but somebody who you’re willing to work with to ensure the best possible outcome for your children.

9) Remember the above points before contacting the other person

Be sure to put everything that has been listed on this page into practice whenever you speak to your former partner. Be polite and understanding with them and be brave enough to admit when you’ve made a mistake, if you treat them in a contemptuous manner.

10) Don’t be discouraged whenever mistakes are made

Instead of being quick to point the finger and blame the other person when things go wrong, reflect on how you might have been able to handle the situation differently and achieved a better outcome. Developing a stronger sense of communication with your ex-partner will ensure that your separation is more pleasant for yourselves and for your children. It will also mean that you will be less reliant on your lawyers to help negotiate and resolve matters, making it better for you financially, as well.

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