I have worked as a specialist in the area of attachment disorder for 20 years. A large percentage of my clients have been adopted and tend to be on the severe end of the attachment disorder continuum. There are many people who have attachment disorder symptoms but they may not be as severe. One can be non-trusting, distant, and not in need of parents, but not be as damaging to the family. The more severe CWAD - children with attachment disorder - can wreck families, cause PTSD, cause depression, break up marriages. I know many cannot believe that a child could not cause all that damage.
I do believe we are all on the continuum somewhere, having issues of trust of others, etc. We all may do our part to push others away, but the children I am talking about try to make adults crazy, in an effort to feel better themselves. My clients include children who are adopted through the state foster care system, international adoption, and sometimes by family members. When parents finally come to see me, they have run out of possibilities. With the internet, many parents have run across the symptoms and diagnosis by doing their own research, as this is a very little understood mental health issue. The ones I see are often on the more severe end of the continuum, not the ones who are withdrawn. Traditional therapy is more likely to work with them.
Secure attachment can be broken with the mother in utero or during the first 2 years of life, to the level that it affects that child on a severe level. I've worked with children who have been adopted at 3 days old but still show severe symptoms because who they are has never let the adoptive parents love them, and they have failed to bond. This is not a conscious decision to not bond - it is cellular. The child has learned in utero life is not safe - The child believes he/she must be in control to remain safe. If I trust you you will fail me and I will die. This is the lesson learned by them from their birthmother. "I will take care of my own needs because you will let me down" is their belief. The children really believe that giving up control means life or death.
In healthy maternal care, the following are required for development of trust and attachment: eye contact, food, touch, comfort, verbal and emotional contact, play, smiles, mirroring effect, and consistency. Now all children develop it. It seems that highly sensitive and intelligent children are more likely to refuse to attach to new caregivers. It is comparable to the question of "what makes one person a survivor while the another one who has been abused continues the negative path?" We don't really know. Perhaps the brief moment of knowing a birthmother's love is enough. What was the pregnancy like?
This attachment disorder affects the child's development and personality. Even though they may grow up in a loving environment post-adoption, they do everything in their power to create chaos. Their brains appear to be wired differently - we sometimes call it upside down parenting. The children do not respond to reasoning or consequences. Everything becomes a battle and the child is out to win. Because they need to stay in control!
I could write forever about symptoms and behaviors of attachment disorder in adoptive children as it affects the child and the families.
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