If you’re going to make your marriage last, you must learn how to deal with conflict. Yes, she is perfect in every way, and he can’t possibly do something wrong; however, once the honeymoon is over, you can count on conflicts arriving. How you deal with them will determine the success of your marriage.
Dealing with conflict is the first thing you must learn to make your marriage last. Problems may not arise until you’ve been married for several weeks, months or even a year. You can count on them surfacing sometime after the wedding day. Mother-in-law and father-in-law will come to visit. When they do, problems may start. Or he/she may say, “You don’t cook, clean or do things like mom did.” Big mistake on someone’s part! Conflict may have begun.
In many states all it takes for a husband and wife to end their relationship is for one of them to say that there are irreconcilable differences. When this is said, the court will grant the divorce. However, there should never be irreconcilable differences in a marriage—unless one is practicing abuse, physical or mental, on the other. If the abuse conflict isn’t resolved, then get out of the relationship.
In order for there to be no irreconcilable differences in a marriage, the two adults involved must learn to embrace conflict. Know that it will take place, and learn to deal with it on a mature, adult level. A marriage that will work isn’t one that the two involved simply ignore conflict. The couple needs to communicate their differences. It is hoped that the differences can be resolved without becoming disagreeable. You can disagree with each other without the world coming to an end.
Actually, a couple who discusses conflict in their marriage in an elevated voice may actually fair better than a couple who avoids conflict at all. If you show me a marriage where there are no conflicts, I’ll show you a marriage where one person is totally dominant and maybe domineering. That’s right! It is nearly impossible for a couple to live together for any length of time without conflicts arising.
Therefore, to make you marriage last, learn to embrace conflict. Get the problem out in the open and discuss it. Even if one partner gets mad, it’s better to discuss it, resolve it and move on then to sit idly by and hope it goes away. Problems like lice don’t disappear by themselves. Both of you can pretend a problem doesn’t exist, but until you actually discuss it, acknowledge that it exists and do something about it your marriage could be in danger.
It isn’t the major things in marriages that break them down. It’s when the little things are ignored until there is a pile of them. The weight from the little things ignored can indeed cause a marriage to crumble. So don’t let the little things go. If something your partner does bothers you, discuss it with your partner. The other may not even realize it bothers you. So air your problems with each other; however, keep your frets and worries at home.
In order to make your marriage last, you need to learn to deal with the conflict of your marriage. Don’t let the little things fester without doing something about them. The major things you will tackle together. Either partner would rise up and fight for the other, so don’t ignore the difficult things in your marriage. I know because I’ve been married to the same childhood sweetheart for 45 years!
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