Not long ago a mother was shocked to be reunited with her daughter. The young woman had been kidnapped as a child 20 years ago. This is not an isolated story as it is one of many worldwide. It is more than difficult to accept that these events are not rare. Yet, we best protect our families by taking steps to prepare for the worst and develop guidelines to help keep us safe.
A SEDUCTIVE FALSEHOOD
A dangerous lie is a lie you want to be true. People believe these lies because the truth is something they don’t want to accept. “Just go along with me, and you’ll be okay,” is a falsehood as aged as the first liar. The desire to believe you won’t get hurt is so great that many people will obey. This is very similar to adults that refuse to allow themselves to consider that their children might need to know what to do if they are grabbed. The thought that a child could be taken is a parent’s worst nightmare.
BUT I DON’T WANT TO LIVE IN FEAR
The first step towards helping your child stay safe is to realize that people who prey on children are looking for easy targets. Arm your children with the information they need to avoid being targeted and how to react if approached. By giving a child the tools he needs to deal confidently with an emergency and avoid peril, he is less likely to live in fear.
FIND EDUCATIONAL OPPORTUNITIES
Talk to your child about who qualifies as a stranger. Running errands to the grocery store, the library, the bank, the park, or any other routine outing can be used to reinforce and teach important lessons.
• Point out strangers that can be trusted if your child is in danger or needs help.
• Play a game with your child to help him remember who is a stranger. Don’t forget that strangers aren’t always scary, funny looking or old. Occasionally older children perpetrate crimes on younger children.
• Identify safe places a child could run to if they need help: stores, restaurants, homes of friends or family members, libraries, community centers, local police stations, etc.
• Take your child people-watching and discuss the difference between someone who is polite and someone that is overly friendly. Cultivate a sense in your child to discern when someone is being just too nice and perfect in an eerie way.
KNOWLEDGE YOUR CHILD SHOULD HAVE
• Someone your child doesn’t know is a stranger.
• Don’t even take a short walk with a stranger. NEVER go with someone you don’t know.
• Never go into a house, building or car with a stranger, no matter if they promise a reward, toy, candy or anything else, not even if the stranger knows their name. Instead, the child should loudly shout, “NO!” and run for help.
• If you are endangered, it’s okay to strike out and hurt an adult. A child should be made to understand that it’s not a bad or rude thing to run away and get help.
• An adult that claims to be in trouble should never be helped by a child. A child’s response should be to yell and run away. An adult in need should seek another adult. An adult has no business asking someone else’s child for help.
These scenarios (and similar ones) should be avoided:
• Someone with a leash looking for a lost puppy.
• Someone needing directions.
• Drivers asking for help with mechanical difficulties.
• Anyone who asks a child to enter a car or house to help locate something.
Things you can (and should) do to protect:
• Consider using a secret word so that a child knows you sent a trusted adult. A child will know that even if the person knows his name, he shouldn’t go without hearing the secret word. For further safety, change the word regularly.
• Make it your custom to tell your child who and when another adult will be driving them.
• A child should NEVER receive gifts from a stranger without a parent present. Gifts offered when parents aren’t there should be refused. These items can be used as lures. Candies can be laced with drugs or harmful agents placed in gifts.
• Children should trust their sense of danger. If something feels weird about a situation, they should run away. Tell them to run for help if they feel frightened. By RUNNING to the nearest safe place, a child can then locate an adult and ASK FOR HELP.
• It is more important to be safe than it is to be polite. It is better to be safe than sorry.
• Three R’s – Recognize, Respond and Report any stranger that makes them feel unsafe – IMMEDIATLEY.
MAKE LEARNING FUN
• Act as though you are a stranger looking for a lost pet or pretend to be someone that needs directions.
• Show the children how to keep a safe distance – beyond arm’s reach.
• Show your child how to run away if the stranger gets too close or grabs another child. Talk about why they should run for help if another child is grabbed and not stay there.
• Practice with your child the art of yelling and screaming to attract attention.
• Practice with your child flailing and kicking to break a stranger’s hold.
• Demonstrate for your child how to use their fingers to claw at an abductor’s nose, ears, eyes or mouth.
BECOMING AN UNAPPEALING TARGET
• Train your children to remain in a group and look out for others.
• Remind your child that he should never go with someone that invites them to leave the group.
• Always walk or play with a safe buddy or in a group.
• Before a child leaves your home (or wherever you sent him), require that he check first with you.
• Plan a neighborhood meeting to share these tips with other parents.
When you make these things part of your daily living, your child should not become fearful. Just as you would wear safety-belts in a car, look both ways at an intersection and wash hands before meals, these suggestions can be taught as part of ongoing well-being.
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