In early November, in desperation and begging for help, I confessed my email addiction to two colleagues from the Kansas Leadership Center.
Something had to give. Workdays weren’t fun anymore. The incessant stream of incoming messages was disrupting my flow and zapping my energy. Every day was a losing battle to keep the INBOX empty, as each email I replied to seemed to generate half a dozen more.
Fear of being swamped in next deluge kept me in a constant state of urgency. I was treating “SEND AND RECEIVE” like a panic button. But pushing it always had the opposite of my intended effect.
The more I pushed, the more panicked I became.
By 11am each workday I was drained, depleted, almost shaking, demoralized and depressed by failure to find a solution to this 21st century dilemma.
Step One – Empathize with yourself.
The members of my Kansas Leadership Center peer consulting group listened, empathized, asked probing questions, and offered feedback. I took solace in the knowledge that I am not the only one plagued with this problem.
Step Two – Share your distress. Ask for support. Listen to your friends.
In the days that followed, I shared my distress and current insights not only with my peer consulting group, but also with two fellow coaches. One coach listened and helped me transform insight into deeper learning. Another offered an e-book full of practical advice.
Step Three – Understand why old habits aren’t working anymore.
My colleagues helped me see that a flourishing business and the shorter workweek I’d adopted since our baby was born meant that I could not and should not try to maintain old rules and habits about email management.
A sprawling network of family and friends, whose email communications I count on to add spice to my bucolic rural existence, compounded the problem.
Step Four – Consider what kind of communication is really required of you in your current role.
I spent the first eight or ten years of the email revolution working as fundraiser and program manager, developing a reputation as someone with her finger on the pulse and an ability to provide answers quickly and efficiently.
My new incarnation as a leadership coach requires a more thoughtful rhythm.
What kind of rhythm does your current role require?
Consider ways in which your roles have shifted in the last two or three years. Does your communication style accurately reflect who you need to be in your current position? Is the way you are managing your email (and other communications) helping you achieve your goals and your vision for your work?
Step Five – Experiment with a new approach: Do it tomorrow!
Realizing that this next step was about more than just email management (rather, it was about nothing less than becoming myself) I chose to experiment with an idea offered in Mark Forster’s book Do It Tomorrow and Other Secrets of Time Management.
Here are the basics:
1. Check your email any time of day – whenever you want. (I’m the curious type, so permission to look is essential for me.)
2. When an email comes in, assuming it is work-related, read it and then transfer it to a file called “Tomorrow.” (If the email is not work-related put it in a file marked “Friends and Family” or “Weekend.” If it’s SPAM, of course, delete it.)
3. Set aside time each day to process yesterday’s email. Then either reply, flag it for follow-up at a later date, forward it to your assistant or the appropriate colleague, or delete it.
I started the experiment on the Monday after Thanksgiving, vowing to give it at least a month.
Within a week, I was a new woman.
Energy was flowing again. My workday no longer felt like one continuous interruption.
Now, each day when I come in to work, I know exactly how many emails I need to reply to – the number that are in the file labeled “Tomorrow” – and can budget my time accordingly.
Receiving new emails is a pleasure, because I’m no longer reacting – just reviewing and filing for tomorrow.
And I feel more connected to my family and friends because my messages to them are written from home at night or on the weekends when my mind is free to drift and doodle.
Of course there are exceptions to the “do not respond immediately” rule: The client with an urgent need for feedback; someone confirming or cancelling an appointment; or the colleague on a deadline who writes with a specific request. But these are exceptions – one or two a day at the most!
Step six: If the experiment fits, make it a habit. If not, try another approach to recovery.
Any new habit takes practice.
A couple of times a week, I’ll catch myself hitting reply and starting to type a response to an email that clearly belongs in the “Tomorrow” file. When that happens, no matter how much I’ve already written, I hit delete and congratulate myself on how much more enjoyable the days are since, with the help of my friends, I took that first step towards email addiction recovery.
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