An elemental detail for almost all children is that eventually they grow older. But, unfortunately, not all grow up. If an individual is to have a hope of a happy life, a large amount of independence is crucial.
Independence, here, does not constitute never needing another person, nor creating every value that one needs – physical, intellectual and emotional – without any involvement from others. Life alone on a desert island would be harsh and dreary. But it does entail a large amount of independence in the traditional sense. It means thinking and choosing for oneself, without major influence or consideration of the opinions of other people.
Why is that important?
Life presents people with choices, often difficult and sometimes unpleasant. When faced with such choices, each one of us has a fundamental alternative – to think for oneself and do what we feel is best, or to be (somewhat) mentally passive and simply do what others do or think we should do.
But to nurture one's own thinking ability, to exercise individual choice is to practice the basic skill that allows determining what is best. You can not become an athlete by watching others run, you must get on the track and use your own legs.
Sometimes that process will go astray. Sometimes heeding the advice of wiser or more knowledgeable and experienced people – parents, in many cases – would have indeed produced the best result. But as children matures, the process of individuation is critical if the results are to be a well-adjusted person, not just a passive robot lucky enough to have good advisers.
Advice from others can be extremely useful to any person at any age. But at a certain point in the process, the decision to do this rather than that is presented to everyone. And, just like the athlete who never trains, performance in that task is affected by whether the person has done any independent exercise, or just floated along.
It's easy to make a misstep when you don't give enough weight to the opinions of others, particularly those more experienced and thoughtful. But you retain the ability to correct your mistakes much more easily if you've made a practice of thinking for yourself.
Parents find it challenging to know when to let a maturing child make mistakes that they – with greater insight – could see will turn out badly. The desire to protect them is understandable and the frustration from being ignored even more so. But the most critical task facing any parent is to promote the healthy development of their children.
Sooner than we think, that individual will be faced with the necessity of making decisions that are much more important. The practice they get exercising their faculties is essential to meeting those challenges.
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