"So, to the degree you give others what they want, they will give you what you want." It was Byron Thompson from the Dale Carnegie Institute of Training, summing up a two-day conference of motivation and persuasion.
I grabed a pencil and wrote down the statement. It was one of those rare, profound, chunks of insight that can change the course of one's life. I wished I had learned its meaning many years before. To the degree you give others what they want, they will give you what you want!
That is the key to persuading, leading, motivating, selling, supervising, influencing, guiding others getting people to do things for you. You can read all the books you want, take all the training courses, spend thousands of hours pursuing the secrets of affecting the thoughts and behavior of others, and you will discover it can all be compressed into that one
To the degree you give others what they want, they inturn will give you what you want. It seems incredibly simple. Perhaps it really is, if you understand it. But few do. For there are some implications of the rule that you must know and apply before you can make it work for you. Otherwise, the principle seems to work in reverse:People resist you, act against you, do the things you do not want them to do.
For instance, you must first give others what they want. Then they give you the things you want. Most people have that twisted around.
A guy says to himself, "I'd give my wife a box of candy if she would show me more affection."
An employer feels that an employee should get praise and recognition only after putting forth some extra effort.
"I will start having confidence in my kids when they get better grades in school," a parent complains.
"I could get a lot warmer towards Joe if he weren't so cold and grouchy," Jill thinks silently.
A salesperson tells a manager, "Wow, would I ever be excited if I cracked the Trump account!"
These people have the formula backwards. The man has to bring his wife the candy first; and then he will get more affection. The employer must give praise and recognition first in order to bring forth the extra effort from the employee. The parent has to express their confidence in the kids first then they will start coming through with better grades. Jill has to warm up to Joe first; then the indifference and grumpiness of Joe will melt away. The salesperson must generate excitement first, and then the big, juicy sales will fall in to place.
So that's the way the law works. You first give others what they want; then they will inturn give you what you want.
Of course, it takes patience and other things. Like knowing what it is people want and knowing how to give them the things they want and knowing what it is you want and what you're willing to give in order to get it.
If you want to manipulate and shuffle people around for your own satisfaction, if you want to inflate your own ego by gaining power over those who are vulnerable, if you're looking for tricky ways to maneuver people into buying things they don't need, if you feel the need to dominate or subdue others, even your own family and are looking for psychological buttons to push to always get your way. Then you're reading the wrong article.
Understand me please. This is not at all about getting; it is about giving, and loving, and succeeding. In fact it is about becoming immensely successful. If you can get the things done with people in joy and harmony. helping them grow and become more valuable than they ever have been before. then indeed you have one of the most treasured talents anyone can possess. And the world needs you. It's waiting to reward you highly in material or emotional benefits, to give you the things you want.
This is true in the real world and on the internet. It all boils down to the people involved in any given situation. Something to ponder.
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