The term "hard to get" can be broad and confusing to many. What does it mean? When women are told "you've got to play it hard to get", and we are told that a lot, that creates a bunch of mixed feelings and confusions. Does that mean I have to pretend I am not interested when I am? Do I have to be aloof, cold and not answer my phone when he calls? And then we are told something else, "if you like a guy, show him that you're interested." Whoa, a complete opposite statement! Where and how do I find that balance between showing my interest, yet at the same time not being interested too much to scare him off?
I have talked to several guys about this subject and got as many diverse answers as there were men I asked. Yet they all make sense in a way and somehow fit into what am I about to tell you. The truth is, you are not really playing any game. If you want to play a game you will attract a player, someone who likes the chase. However, as soon as he "gets" you, he will most likely lose interest. What you want is someone who is interested in you and not your games.
If you are interested, act like you are, if you are not, then let him know that as well. No need to pretend. The term "hard to get" is often misunderstood. It is not really about pretending or hiding. There is nothing wrong with showing interest, it is about how close you are willing to let the guy into your life. It is about shutting the door when he does or says something disrespectful or unacceptable to you and letting him know that this is not something you're willing to tolerate. It is about letting the guy know that if he wants to get to know you, he has to respect you and your boundaries. If he approaches you with a diminishing pick up line you don't give him the honor of your warm and open conversation. If he is not willing to wait for you to have sex until you're ready or comfortable, you don't give him an honor of continuing a relationship. And that must be the toughest one of them all - if he disappears and doesn't call you for days or weeks without an explanation, you don't give him the honor of talking to him when he reappears.
I may sound harsh, but think about what you really want in your relationship. If you tolerate what is unacceptable to you from the beginning, the further you get into the relationship the more intolerable things will get? Setting your boundaries can be really hard to do for many women mostly because our instincts are telling us not to. However, before the Universe is willing to give you what you want, it will first hand you a bunch of things you don't want. Until you master the challenge of dealing with those things, you will be stuck attracting them over and over again.
Copyright (c) 2010 Katherine Bouglai
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