I finally went to see “Letters to Juliet”, not expecting much. Instead, it was a delightful afternoon’s entertainment with two whole love stories for the price of one! In the love story that occurred among the younger set, I saw a daddy’s girl caught between two men, both likely mama’s boys, and gathered new information about the romantic challenges facing daddy’s girls. They tend to marry for the wrong reason.
In “Letters to Juliet,” a young woman, Sophia, whose fiancé, Victor, is a chef and new restaurant owner, finds herself in Verona, Italy as she and Victor are on a buying trip for the restaurant in the only unhurried days available to them before they marry. Sophia thinks the trip is a pre-honeymoon. Victor is all business. So Sophia, with time on her hands, takes in the tourist sites; one of which is “Juliet’s Courtyard,” a monument to the fabled lovers Shakespeare created, Romeo and Juliet.
In Juliet’s Courtyard, women leave notes to Juliet asking for advice. Notes that are answered by her secretaries, women who volunteer their time to answer the lovelorn. In the movie, Sophia finds a 50-year old letter from a woman named Claire, deciding to answer it. Claire and her handsome, priggish grandson, Charlie, arrive in Verona, meet Sophia, and begin an adventure that will change all their lives.
If you haven’t seen the movie, it shouldn’t spoil it for you to learn (because the previews give this much away) that Sophia spends much of the movie conflicted about her feelings for her fiancé and his preoccupation with his business. His first and best passion is food and his restaurant. Sophia spends her pre-honeymoon figuring out that she will always play second fiddle to his first passion. It takes her a long time and a missed opportunity to realize she needs to put herself, her needs, and her desires first if she’s ever to know true love.
Finding out that she’s her father’s daughter crystallized a common phenomenon among daddy’s girls for me. Because daddy’s girls grow up believing that it is their purpose in life to serve others, they too easily marry for the wrong reason – marrying to take care of him. The best reason to marry is because a woman loves herself, loves her man, and is thrilled at the prospect of the two of them spending their lives together.
Daddy’s girls don’t know how to follow their own hearts. Whether a woman is a daddy’s girl because she tried to take mom’s place with him or whether she’s a daddy’s girl because she tried to take dad’s place with mom; daddy’s girls are quite co-dependent, looking outside themselves to find, not just validation, but fulfillment as they take care of someone else. They don’t know how to find fulfillment within themselves and so they make all kinds of decisions, even the more important, life altering decisions, based on making someone else happy.
So what is a daddy’s girl to do? Sophia, in “Letters to Juliet,” has it easy because; well, because it’s a movie! But in the movie, Victor is an ever present mirror to her of complete lack of interest in what makes her happy. He makes it easy for her to come to terms with what she has created with him. That being said, one of the first things a daddy’s girl can do is take stock of the people in her life and what they mirror back to her.
If you have a man in your life or are even surrounded by folks who are only interested in what you can do for them, you likely don’t know how to put your own interests, desires, and love first. If the idea of putting yourself first makes you squirm inside (or makes you feel superior to this article or me), you likely don’t know how to put your own interests, desires, and love first.
The best way to remedy the situation is to begin practicing two things: saying no to others and saying yes to you. And the best way to begin this practice is by making arbitrary choices.
Pick something that someone wants you to do for them and, without making any excuses, tell them no. If it’s easier to find something that you find you deeply resent that you want to say no to, go for it! I mention the arbitrary choice because some daddy’s girls aren’t in touch with their feelings enough to realize they resent anything.
Saying yes to you may actually be more difficult than saying no to others. I, for one, have the hardest time knowing what I want. It’s easy for me to know what I don’t want. I often feel that if I could just eliminate all the things, people, and issues I don’t want that I would then have what I want! But that’s too complicated and will likely never happen all at once. There is value in slowing down and pinpointing some specific thing or activity or time for centering and just “being” that you desire. Slow down, pinpoint it, and then make it happen! You are worth it.
Here’s a secret. Women who love themselves, truly love themselves; rather than turning people off, actually attract more genuine and satisfying love into their hearts and lives. Loving yourself enough to determine what you desire and love changes your environment. People have to show up differently when you slowly but surely quit showing up for them as someone they can take for granted.
You can become a woman who loves herself first, loves her man, and is thrilled at the prospect of the two of you spending your lives together. You simply need to jump on the learning curve of loving you with those two assignments of saying no to others (periodically but on a regular basis) and yes to yourself (as often as possible).
Article Directory : http://www.articlecube.com
Sarah Elizabeth Malinak, a relationship and self love mentor, is co-author of “Getting Back to Love: When the Pushing and Pulling Threaten to Tear You Apart.,” the definitive book on the romantic challenges facing adult mama’s boys and daddy’s girls. Check out the book and subscribe to The Art of Creating Ideal Relationships free newsletter at http://www.IdealRelationships.com.
