I watched the film Nanny McPhee the other day with my children. This is not an advert for the film, but it did get me thinking. I had been mulling over some thoughts in my head about this issue. But watching made me think about how important this subject is and what we as parents can do about it.

I regularly hear people say, "Kids of today have no respect." Or, "You can't get kids of today to do that..." This said when it comes to a topic that involves good manners or respect.

Are children of today really ill-behaved boors? Are we doomed as parents to be cursed with disrespectful children whom we have no control over whatsoever? Is respect really important? If it is how can we teach it to our children?

What is respect?
It's giving high regard to others. Placing others in high esteem. It's showing that another person is important by our words and actions. Respect causes us to show consideration for others as well as to hold them in good regard.

Why is respect so important for our children to learn?
People usually think about how something will benefit them. There are somethings that we should practice not just for our own benefit, but because it's the right thing to do. Respect is one of those things. However, it has enormous benefits for us as parents.

Let me tell you a story. A family had the wife's elderly mother living with them. When they had supper, they ate together as a family in the dining room, while she ate by herself from a wooden plate in a corner of the room. Not much care was taken of her, but there was no where else she could go. The family had a young son of about 4 years old. One day, his parents saw him whittling a piece of wood. They were a bit curious because he was so intent on what he was doing. When they asked him why he was carving the piece of wood, he said, "I'm making the wooden plate you and dad are going to eat from when you get old."

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Whatever good or bad traits you develop in your children will affect EVERY relationship they have including their relationship with you. If you don't teach your kids respect for others, they will eventually disrespect you. But if you do teach it to them, you will enjoy the benefits for yourself as well.

Now for the million-dollar question. How do you teach kids of these days respect?
It isn't exactly rocket science. Parents have been doing it for a long time.

1. Do as I do
Children learn from the example shown them. Think about how children pick up accents. They develop their accents from being around people who speak with way. Whether it's British, American, African, Spanish, and so on. Children learn mostly by observation. They copy what they see and hear. My two-year old for example is at that stage where he echoes anything he hears someone else says. He also imitates everything his older brother does. Word-for-word, step-by-step. Children under 5 are mirrors of their environment. This means that if you want to teach your children respect, you must show others respect yourself.

2. Do as I say
When you're sure that you're doing the right thing, then you can also ensure that you tell them what's right to do and what's wrong. There are some things that children won't know are right or wrong unless they're told. For example, they won't know that it isn't good manners to point at people unless you tell them. Or, they won't know that it's good to stand up for an elderly, disabled, or pregnant woman in the bus unless you tell them. Particularly if you normally drive them around in a car. Then, on those occasions where they might have to take public transportation, they would remember what you told them.

3. Show them respect
This sounds like belabouring the first point. But there's a slight variation. Respect is not only about showing people who are older than you regard. It's about establishing in their minds the dignity of the human person. Young or old, rich or poor, upwardly mobile or down and out. When you say "please" to your children, they get to experience first hand how respect feels. When you apologise for a mistake you've made, your willingness to humble yourself because you respect them helps them to see how important respect is especially because it's been directed at them.

4. Teach them at an early age
People say that after a child has reached the age of five, it's difficult to teach them manners or respect. I know they say that you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I disagree. Of course it's easier to teach a puppy new tricks than an old one. But, I've seen several dog training shows where people who know what they're doing teach old dogs new tricks. So it can be done. However, if you start teaching them about respect and good manners from when they're about one year old, you make things a lot easier for them.

5. Negative and Positive Responses
Learn to show disapproval when they talk to people disrespectfully. I've seen parents laugh it off and say, "You cheeky monkey", when their kids have been rude or disrespectful. They're proud of their child's wicked tongue or brash behaviour. They think it shows their cleverness. Rudeness is never clever. It comes second-nature to an untrained person. On the other hand, respect is cultivated.

Learn to reprimand your children when they're disrespectful or express your disapproval or disappointment about they're behaviour. However, that's not all you should do. I observe that parents may develop a tendency only to rebuke and correct and not praise as well. When they act properly ALWAYS show your appreciation or approval of their actions. With my children, I've found that praise always seems to be more effective in helping them repeat good actions.

6. Monitor their environment
Who are the people that come around your kids? You may not be able to control what other people do outside of your house, but you can do so for your own home. A lady told me laughingly how sharp-tongued her 7-year-old daughter has become because of her mum's sisters who come around to visit them. When people come to your house, let them know that bad manners and cursing are strongly discouraged because you don't want your children picking up the wrong habits.


Make no friendship with an angry man, lest you learn his ways and set a snare for your soul.

Another thing to look out is the TV programs that they watch. Watch some of them with them so that you can pick up on the things that some of the children and people do. If they're badly behaved, point it out to your kids. I've noticed that most TV programs present nicely behaved children as boring and uninteresting. This means that you have a lot of monitoring to do.

Some children may need more help than what's been outlined here. But if you haven't started doing any of the above, it's a good place to start.