I invite you to reflect back on the days when families sat down at the dinner table every night, sharing and conversing over the evening meal. My father, grandfather, great grandfather and great great grandfather were all winemakers, toiling hard in the vineyard by day. So dinnertime was an important part of the day for the Soljan family.
But change is constant and these days we have new-fangled gadgets such as microwaves, video games and TV dinners. Life is more complicated and stressful than ever and dinnertime as a tradition seems to have dwindled away.
We thought about this and said, "enough is enough". The rest of this article is dedicated to sharing with you the changes we've made because the outcome has been wonderful for our family.
Those who know me know I love to cook. For me, it's actually a relaxing activity. Bridget on the other hand, hates cooking. She does pretty much everything else to keep our household working though. Plus she puts in long hours at the winery and takes the kids everywhere. So every Sunday I prepare half a dozen meals for the coming week, and into the freezer they go.
The bonus is that our kids watch me using real ingredients to cook real food. They are actually rather accomplished chefs themselves! I want them to understand that food deserves respect, that it has been cultivated by hard working farmers, not pumped out of a machine, and is more than just something to shove down their throat while they're doing something else. I do my best to keep things fun and make sure they enjoy an assortment of food and flavors. It's not often they complain!
Apart from the odd break during the year, it seems the only time our family is habitually together is meal time. Sticking to this has meant a lot of self discipline because it's so easy to let the day's distractions get in the way. After a hard day's work, as well as kids sporting activities and dance practice, plus all the other things on our to-do list, the easy option is to just collapse in front of the TV to eat dinner.
The time we now spend at the dinner table is a revelation though, thanks to a friend's suggestion. The four of us, Bridget and I plus our 12 year old son and 10 year old daughter, take turns to answer three questions...
1. Describe the best experience you had during the day.
2. Describe something you learned during the day.
3. Describe something you love about one of us today.
Yes, I know it seems quite corny on first impressions, and some of you might even be rolling your eyes about now. I couldn't really call myself a new age sort of person, so I admit I felt awkward when we first started this. But I'm glad I reserved judgment because we're learning so many great things about each other from the questions. In fact, sometimes the answers are quite illuminating!
The thing I like most is that it reminds each of us that no matter how trivial, a good thing happened to us today, a learning experience happened to us today, and we discovered there is always something to love about someone in the family.
Make no mistake; we are not the Cosby family. We are not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. But I have my doubts that a perfect family exists anywhere!
Perhaps you already practice something similar to this. If not, may I suggest you give it a go? While sitting around the dinner table try these three questions, even if it is just you and one other. Make sure the TV is off. It will probably take a week or two for the process to settle in, but I predict you'll learn something about your partner and children, and they'll learn something about you... every single day! And there's a chance you'll even learn something about YOU.
Go on, take action and make tonight the night you and your family try this out. Bon appetit!
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Author DARRYL SOLJAN, CBW (chief bottle washer) and winemaker, owns Ascension Wine Estate in New Zealand, an Auckland conference centre not far from central Auckland. Ascension is one of the most popular Auckland wedding venues for couples wanting a romantic vineyard location.
